Chapter 20

Rose

I must have fallen asleep, because the next thing I know is that I heard Dimitri shouting my name in a frantic voice. He sounds a little panicked but I had no idea why. Frowning I slowly pushed myself off the floor, the tiled floor? After looking around I remembered where I were, in a ladies room at some stupid event from Dimitri's father.

And then I remembered Dimitri's and my fight and that I went in here because I had to puke. Ugh, disgusting, I thought. I went over to the sink to clean my mouth and get that God awful taste out of my mouth. It took me a while to get it off of my tongue, but eventually it worked.

Right on time, Dimitri pushed the door open.

“Roza”, he breathed out.

“This is the ladies room, Dimitri, you're a guy”, I said, but I was too exhausted to put much effort into it.

“I don't care”, Dimitri replied and came over to me.

“Go away”, I mumbled and turned my back towards him.

For a moment we stood there in silence, until Dimitri broke it.

“Did you puke, Roza?”

I felt my cheeks burning. God, this was so embarrassing! This whole situation was bad, me puking made it worse and now with Dimitri here? It topped the 'worst'.

“Rose”, Dimitri said and turned me so I faced his chest.

His fingers, only a light touch, like feather, touched my chin and made me look up at his face. He looked worried.

“You did”, he stated, it wasn't a question. “Are you sick? Have you eaten anything wrong?”

“Stop it”, I mumbled and turned my head so his hand fell back to his side and he wasn't touching me anymore.

“Stop what?”, he asked.

“Worrying about me”, I explained. “I'm mad at you.”

This brought a half smile to his face, but it was replaced seconds later by his usual “no emotions”-mask. I hated that mask! Why was it that only weeks ago he was trusting me and now he guarded his emotions all the time around me? What changed?

“I worry about you all the time and I don't care if you're mad at me or not”, Dimitri smirked.

I huffed annoyed and tried to turn around again, but Dimitri wouldn't let me. Instead he gripped my waist and hoisted me up on the sink, he stood right in front of me, his hands left and right from me, so I couldn't go anywhere.

“Have you eaten?”, Dimitri asked.

“I'm not talking to you”, I said.

Pouting I crossed my arms over my chest and glared at Dimitri.

“You're cute”, he smiled and kissed my nose.

I instantly gasped and looked at him with wide eyes.

“Stop it!”, I screeched and pushed against his chest (not that he cared, he was like the hulk!) “You can't just be pissed and angry at me one second and be the cute, nice guy the next!”

“Why not?”, Dimitri challenged with one eyebrow raised.

“Seriously Dimitri, stop it, I'm not in the mood”, I told him icily, in a dead serious voice.

“Fine”, Dimitri snapped. “You want to fight with me? Okay, let's fight, but first I want to know what's wrong with you, so you answer me five questions now and then you can shout at me all you want and no, this is not an option, you have to.”

Dimitri glared at me and started with his questions, each time holding another finger up.

“Have you eaten properly? Was this the first time this happened? Have you been feeling sick before? Have you been unconscious?”

“That were only four”, I mumbled.

“I know”, Dimitri replied. “My last questions is: How are you feeling now?”

His eyes showed a lot of emotions, he cared for me and he really was worried. Sighing I decided to answer his question, well he didn't leave me much of a choice, right? So why bother an fight now, when I could yell at him all I wanted after answering him these simple questions.

“No, yes, no, yes and just fine”, I answered.

“You were unconscious?”, Dimitri asked shocked.

“Yeah, at least I think so. How long have you been searching me?”

“Almost half an hour”, he answered.

“I ran straight in here and well … you know, the next thing I heard was you, yelling my name.”

And suddenly I was in Dimitri's arms. One arm was around my waist, the other in my hair at the back of my head. He pressed himself so hard against me that he was suddenly standing between my legs.

“We need to get you to a hospital”, he murmured.

“I'm fine”, I mumbled into his shoulder.

“Please, let me take you to a hospital”, he whispered into my ear. “Please, Roza.”

“I'm fine”, I repeated myself. “Let me go now, I want to yell at you.”

Dimitri backed away a little, his hands again left and right from my hips. He was staring deep into my eyes.

“Start”, he nodded.

I frowned at him. Really, that was it? Just a 'start' and he would listen to me yell at him. I didn't believe that one second, but well, I could still start and get most of my steam blown off.

“Okay, you asked for it”, I said.

I took a deep breath, bracing myself for the long speech I was going to throw at him.

“What the hell is wrong with you?!”, I screamed at the top of my lungs and jumped down. “One night you're all lovely and romantic, then you're distant and then you disappear out of nowhere! I had no idea where you were, nobody knew where the hell you were, nobody knew if you would come back, if you were alright, if you god damn were still alive! Do you know what horror scenarios played in my head? God damn it Dimitri, at one time I actually thought you had left us all for good! And then you were there, you were here and a fucking mountain fell from my heart when I knew you were back and you were fine! I was so relieved to see you and I wanted nothing more than to be back in your arms and I know how stupid this sounds, but I still wanted it. I know we know each other not for long, but I still thought that -”

I took another breath, closing my eyes and tried to keep my tears at bay. I was supposed to be angry, not teary eyed.

“The last day I saw you, you told me you liked me and wanted to be with me”, I said with closed eyes.

I then slowly opened them and showed all the hurt and pain he had caused me through my eyes.

“And then you're like this, pushing me away, making fun of me in front of other people. In front of Mason you were behaving like you were better than him, just because you have money and he doesn't. And I really don't know if I can keep up with this, if I even want to try to keep up with this.”

I sighed again, I was physically and mentally exhausted.

“And telling me I am childish?”, I asked. “That's low Dimitri. You know I'm not used to any of this, how the hell would I know how to act? I fainted the second time paparazzi surrounded me, remember? I can't think when so many people are shouting at me, or grabbing me or something like that. If you would have told me sooner, maybe I would have had a chance to do something about my 'childish act'.”

I mean if he had told me this, or if he had been here to tell me this, maybe I would have done something differently. Maybe, maybe not, but he didn't even give me a chance.

“May I?”, Dimitri asked.

I waved a hand dismissively to tell him to start talking.

“I'm sorry”, he said. “You're right, I shouldn't have yelled at you and I am sorry I did it. It won't change anything, but I still want you to hear me out.”

Dimitri pinched the back of his nose and drew in a deep breath. For a moment he just looked at me without saying a word, it looked like he searched for something in my eyes. I have no idea if he found it, but suddenly he started talking again.

“You know I come from Russia”, he stated. “Well, when my family moved here we all missed a year in school because we first had to learn the language. My sisters and I knew only little things about America and we spoke maybe three or four sentences in English. So we had a year to learn a whole different language, the spoken and the written one, it was hard, but somehow we managed and started school again. My father … He always expects the best from us, best behavior, best grades and so on. After I graduate he wants me to start in his business while I go to college at the same to study. I have no idea how I'm supposed to manage, but I don't have much of a choice.”

Again, Dimitri took a deep breath and came a little closer to me, his gaze boring into mine.

“A lot of pressure, huh? Wife, school, work, family, friends, all at the same time? My father controls everything in my life, and everyone. I have to do what he says, otherwise he will disown me. And no, I'm not talking only about the money. But when he disowns me, I won't be able to see my family again. I couldn't care less about the money, but my family? I can't loose them. But I can't loose you either, that's why I overreacted and yelled. My father came to me today, telling me to keep you in control or he would – Doesn't matter what he would do, what's important is, is that in public I really, really need you to behave differently. Rose I like you, I really do, God you don't know how much I do and I am trying to protect you, you just don't know it.”
“Protect me?”, I asked.

But it was like he didn't even hear me.

“Roza, whenever I'm around you I forget these things, I forget everything and don't think about the consequences. I just don't seem to care anymore and that's not good for me. Hell I just fought with my wife only meters away from an important business party. I risked people hearing us or the press filming us. I risked so much, but I never thought of this back then, when I'm around you I just act, I don't think.”

My head was spinning and I felt kind of dizzy again. So much information was thrown my way, and I tried to listen intently and remember everything. I knew Dimitri came from Russia, but I never knew he and his sisters had to learn a whole language during a year. I had no idea his father was setting him under so much pressure and that he and all his sisters lost a year in school. That there was the possibility for him to never see his family again.

I never thought about any of this.

“Say something”, Dimitri asked.

“I don't know what to say”, I replied. “Except for: I'm sorry.”

“I don't want you to be”, Dimitri sighed. “You don't need to be.”

I don't remember how it happened, but we somehow ended up both sitting on the floor. Dimitri's arm around my shoulders, my head on his chest. We didn't say anything, just sat there, both thinking about God knows what.

“Why did you say you had to protect me?”, I asked.

Dimitri's body went rigid. Great Rose, I thought. Why not ruin the comfortable silence and bring something up he obviously didn't want to talk about?

“Doesn't matter”, he mumbled.

And then I remembered something. He was protecting me and I didn't even knew it? Suddenly I was thinking about the day we had PE together. That was the day he wanted me to train with him, to learn how to defend myself. Had this something to do with that? Was there a reason for it?

“Does this have to do with the reason you wanted to train me? So I knew how to punch properly?”, I asked.

Dimitri didn't answer. His arm around me tightened and I felt his lips on the crown of my head. Instead of voicing his thoughts, he nodded. I couldn't see it, but I felt it.
“You remember that day?”

Again, he nodded.

“Well”, I started a little hesitant. “Do you remember your promise?”

The day in the changing rooms, I remember how I punched him and how he teased me about my punching skills. And then all of a sudden he wanted to teach me how to properly punch. I refused and he tried to reason with me, which didn't work, and so we made a deal. I fulfilled my part of the deal, I trained with Dimitri, I even kept training with Eddie, while Dimitri was gone. But Dimitri never told me the reason why he wanted me to learn how to fight back.

Dimitri sighed.

“Sadly yes, I do.”

“And are you going to answer me?”

“It's not like you're giving me much of a choice”, he mumbled and laughed without humor.

Dimitri ran his hand through his hair, while I pushed myself up to look him in the eyes. He looked so tired, so exhausted.

“No”, I answered. “I am giving you a choice. If you really don't want to tell me, then you don't have to.”

“Thank you”, he sighed relieved.

“But”, I interjected. “If you're not telling me, then you have to live with the fact that I'm not going to tell you everything either. I won't force you to trust me, but don't expect me to trust you when you keep things from me.”

I smiled a sad smile and stood up from the ground. Dimitri followed suit, helping me a little, because of the floor length dress. We almost picked me up while doing so, not that I was complaining. No matter how hurt I was that Dimitri didn't trust me enough or maybe not at all, I liked being in his arms and I still missed him like crazy these past few weeks. The familiar scent of his aftershave, the feeling o his strong arms around my small frame. I was finally feeling … like I belonged again. I felt protected, wanted, safe and cared for. The way his arms tightened around me, showing me he never wanted to let go. Or at least I imagined it to be like that. But his arms, still not tight enough, and loose enough, like I was precious and could break any moment. I never wanted to step out of his arms.

But I did and I felt it instantly. I missed his warmth and the feeling I got. I missed the secure and safety.

“When”, Dimitri started and I turned around.

“When-” Dimitri sighed. “When I was younger, Ivan and I, we …. we got into some trouble. There was this … guy. We got on his bad side and he wanted to hurt us and he did. He beat the crap out of us, but we were okay, you know? We could handle it. So he … He did something else. He hurt Ivan through his girlfriend.”

“Ivan has a girlfriend?”

“Not anymore”, Dimitri shook his head. “She -”

Dimitri's breathing became labored and he ran a hand rapidly through his head at least three times.

“She got in the way and was beaten up, bad time. She … She – we found her unconscious laying on the streets, she was barely breathing. She almost died that night.”

I gasped. Oh my God! Ivan was such a charismatic and enthusiastic guy, I never would have thought something horrible as this could have ever happened to him and he would still be so … nice, friendly and outgoing.

But now I understood Dimitri. What if something like that happened again? But this time Ivan didn't have a girlfriend … But Dimitri had a wife …

“Oh my God.”

“She lost her baby that night. Her's and Ivan's baby”, Dimitri explained further.

I paled and looked at Dimitri with wide eyes. No, no, this wasn't possible. So many horrible things couldn't happen all at once to the same person. I refused to believe this, but deep down I knew he was right.

“She stayed in the hospital for three weeks and moved away another week later. We never saw her again.”

This poor girl, was the first thought that ran through my head. I couldn't even imagine what she'd been through, what she had to live through already. She had to suffer a lot, she lost a baby, her boyfriend, her life here in New York, because here she couldn't feel save anymore.

“What did you do?”, I asked.

“About her?”, Dimitri asked confused. “Nothing, Ivan -”

“No”, I interrupted. “The last time I saw you, you were covered in bruises and cuts. What did you do?”

Dimitri's eyes turned into slits and his hands clenched into fists.

“I already told you more than I should have. Please, don't ask me about that night.”

“Fine”, I snapped.

Why did he trust me with the story about Ivan and his girlfriend, but not about himself? What happened that night? Why couldn't he tell me? Especially when I may or not be at danger?

“No, you don't understand”, Dimitri said.

I was already storming outside the room, but Dimitri grabbed my wrist and pulled me hard into his chest. His heated gaze was boring into mine and I couldn't take my eyes off of him. God he was beautiful!

“I won't lie to you or keep anything from you, if you ask me now, I will tell you. But I am asking you not to ask me. Please, don't ask me. Not now, not tonight.”

“I will want to know eventually”, I reminded him.

“I know”, he smiled and chuckled lightly.

-o-o-o- Thrown Into His World -o-o-o-

We didn't get back to the business party. Dimitri said goodbye to his family and told Mason to grab a taxi, which he paid for after I begged him to. It took me five minutes to make sure he really paid for Mason's ride home. Dimitri and I again, made a deal. Dimitri would pay for Mason's ride home and I would go to a freaking hospital to get a check up.

I was sure there was nothing wrong me, I was stressed and the mixed feelings because of Dimitri, the lack of sleep and the fact I barely ate anything were the cause for my puking and fainting. No worries …

“How are you?”, Dimitri asked, when we sat down in the limo.

“I'm good, seriously Dimitri.”

“Just making sure”, he smiled with a boyish smile.

He was looking way younger when he smiled at me like that. Not like a little boy, no, god far from a little boy. He was still a man, and what a man! But he was looking cute in a way, somewhat nervous, somewhat shy.

The whole ride we didn't say a word. Dimitri took a hold of my hand and we both looked at our intertwined hands. I smiled, seeing his larger hand enveloping my smaller one, almost to the point were it looked like his hand swallowed mine. His hands felt rough, but still kind of soft. It was a weird mixture I couldn't really explain.

“Here we are”, the driver said and parked the car.

“Thank you”, Dimitri nodded.

He opened the door and exited the limo. Then he turned around and hold a hand out for me to take. Dimitri helped me out of the care and slung an arm around my shoulders, guiding me to the entrance of the hospital.

The moment we stepped through the doors a nurse came our way, smiling brightly. It actually looked like it hurt and I could see it was fake smile, she actually looked a little scared of us.

“Mr. Belikov?”, the nurse asked, a slight waver in her voice.

“Yes”, Dimitri answered in a voice that was full of authority and strength.

The young nurses turned around and waved to another nurse. The other nurse came towards us and with her she had a freaking wheelchair.

“No”, I told Dimitri. “No way. No!”

“Yes”, Dimitri replied.

“No”, I repeated more forceful. “This is ridiculous!”

“Wheelchair or over my shoulder.”

“Why can't I walk?”, I whined.

“No!”

And with that Dimitri pushed me – yes, pushed me! - into the wheelchair.

“Now don't make me use ropes to tie you down”, Dimitri warned, but with amusement dancing in his eyes.

Sighing I lent back in the stupid wheelchair and waved a hand dismissively. Dimitri chuckled and wheeled me along side the nurses. He wheeled me into an elevator and took me to the third floor. One of the nurses stayed in the elevator, the second one, the first one stayed and showed us the way into an examination room.

A man was already waiting there.

“Dimitri”, he greeted.

“Hello Mark”, he smiled and they both gave each other some sort of 'man hug'.

“And your wife. It's nice to meet you, Rose.”

“Like a wise, Mark?”

He nodded in confirmation. I frowned a little at Dimitri and he explained me how he met Mark. They met through Dimitri's father, after Dimitri moved here. Mark was eight years older than Dimitri and he had helped Dimitri a lot, when he was younger. Mark and his mother Olena were great friends.

“So, what can I do for an old friend?”, Mark asked with an easy smile.

“My wife puked this evening and fainted. She was unconscious for about twenty minutes I think. Can you do a check up on her?”

“No, I'm not able to do such a thing”, Mark replied sarcastically and shook his head.

“Come on Rose, jump on”, Mark smiled slily and patted the white bed in the middle of the room.

I stood up and sat myself down on the bed. And like Mark said, he did a check up on me. It was annoying, but with Mark and Dimitri joking around to distract me, it was bearable. I laughed a lot, so I guess it was more than just bearable.

“Okay, after the blood test, I think you can go. That is, if it's okay.”

“It will be”, I told Mark and rolled my eyes. “I told you, I feel totally fine.”

“Just do them, please”, Dimitri asked Mark and ignored me.

“Asshole”, I mumbled.

“Ah, young love”, Mark chuckled and exited the room.

I was still laying on the bed, looking up at the white ceiling. It was pure white and cleaner than clean, of course … While I lay there and bored myself to death, Dimitri stood up and grabbed my hand.

“I just want to make sure you're okay. You're too important to let something this small take you away from me”, Dimitri whispered and squeezed my hand.

I smiled softly up at him and returned my smile. He slowly leaned down and kissed me. Just now I realized how much I missed the feeling from Dimitri's lips on mine. My arms instantly snaked around Dimitri's neck so I could draw him even closer to me. A low moan escaped his throat and his hands ghosted over my thighs and hips.

“Roza”, he groaned. “Not here.”

“Says who?”, I breathed back and pulled him closer to me.

“Me”, Mark chuckled from the door.

Dimitri instantly stood tall and I think he even blushed a little. I – of course – blushed furiously, but that wasn't new. Dimitri coughed into his hand and apologized.

“Sorry, Mark”, he mumbled.

“Yeah, sorry”, I mumbled too.

“Not a problem”, Mark chuckled. “So, shall we? Your blood results are here.”